Yesterday during interview I was asked question: "What was the hardest decision in your @XP?". Very quickly I remembered all that 2,5 years and realized - it was the moment when I said: "I won't apply for LCP". I filled up the application and everything... It was hard, because I realized - it's not exactly what do I want, this opportunity won't bring me that changes which I want to do in myself, and when everyone expects something from you, when you know - you will win, when people already say "you're almost LCP" - it becomes not so interesting for you. Especially other people's expectations. It was like obligation, it became an obligation for me.

Somewhy we used to think "I must", "I have to". But "have to" what? Realize someone's expectations and hopes? And what about you? YOU!

And at that moment I felt like I'm "glued" to all that people. And the most important - my LC. I decided that I shouldn't sacrifice myself, if I don't really want it, if I have no motivation. Because the result can be unexpected.

Yes, I'm still learning how to say "no".

And it's not an egoism, it's just thinking about myself, my real needs and plans.

As a final - I didn't apologize. This year 09-10 was amazing for me, and I believe - that moment was a destiny. The main thing - I went for internship. And it totally changed lots of things in my life - goals, worldview, dreams, plans, priorities...

The main point - listen to your heart, always! Your heart knows things better, than your mind:)

Tomorrow I have one more interview. I'll do it my best!