if, could, would

I don't know why I love to torment myself so much. I don't know why sometimes I like to watch old pictures so much. Why I like to remember people who gone from my life many time ago.

Why I can't delete all that from my laptop. Why I'm still keeping things which remind me.

Usually I don't like to say "what if...", because there is no any "if..", there is just reality and if something haven't happened, it means I should forget about it. Though I let these thoughts come to my mind. What if..?

What if I didn't do mistakes?

What if the curcumstances were different?

What if I could change something?

What if...

Maybe these "what if" exist in my mind cause I feel some incompleteness. Maybe because I didn't have chance to say last word.

If something happens, it means that it's better option. Even if it's something bad, after some time you'll see that it's better than could be. But I can't. I still can't. So many time passed, but it's still in my mind.

My reason knows that that way was better, that anyway we wouldn't have any chance. But my heart still can't get used to it.

I believe in destiny and signs. And every person in my life means something. And someone was really destiny, someone who changed my life. Someone, who made river of life turn to another way.

I prefer to live in reality, but anyway I still believe in miracles. Maybe sometimes there is meaning to say: "What if..."?