This summer was full of flasbacks. And full of "cut-offs" when I realized that some person is not important for me anymore.

Sometimes you used to think that you're important for someone and this person is important for you as well; that someone needs you and always will be somewhere near. But sometimes you're wrong. My mistake is that I become attached and addicted to people very fast, and then it's very painful for me to let them go. One of my "attachements" were lasting for 4 years. It was like a habit. I should over it about 2 years ago, but I was really addicted. When I asked: "is there any chance for us?" and realized no, next day I was in hospital with appendcitis. As soon as I woke up after operation, I thought: "Ok, I feel better". I felt like with appendicitis doctors cut off this my addiction to this person. Just after so many conflicts I became indifferent, I feel nothing now. It is not interesting for me what's going on with him. I don't care.

My 2nd flashback. I sent a e-mail. I was waiting for it a year, and for 1 year I was imagining: what if...? and when I did it, I realized: "I feel nothing!". And felt better.

I'm trying to learn how to just let go.

Yesterday I saw new girls with whom I'll live in dormitory. I'm quite closed person and it gets long time to get used to new people and to start trust them. But yesterday while falling asleep I thought: "I don't care". Maybe it's all AIESEC))) When after so many conferences, CEEDs, traineeships, buses, planes, trains and so many new faces you don't care - where and when to sleep, what to eat, you learn hot to be at several places at the same time and you're not afraid of new people, because communication with people (most of them are unknown) - it is the biggest part of AIESEC life. If this true, then I achieved that goal which I set 3 years ago - to stop shying and to become more communicative.

And can't avoid my job) I can say that I faced a real life. Life, when you have to be ready and should understand that everyone's watching, and you shouldn't do any mistakes. Also I faced with situation when you should be very careful, you shouldn't trust any words, you shouldn't say too mush, and as less people know about you as better for you.

It was challenging summer, and it was good for me. 1 month of my traineeship in Fortum left. Inspite of some bad moments, there were more good moments. And alredy now I know that I'll miss people there, and miss this company.