I can't understand why some people are talking and talking about things which hurt me? And they KNOW that it's hurtful! About Bahrain, about "where will you go this summer?", about something else... they're just talking and asking, and I suppose they don't realize that these topics are taboo for me. Especially about Bahrain - they like so much to ask, to say: "Wow! When you'e going there?", or "OMG! Whyyy??", they're telling something about it... and the point is that I know - the people who are asking that, they absolutely don't care about me, they just want to satisfy their curiousity, and that's all. And I'm just... there are just rude words in my mind at these moments and I want to say "Shut up please!" and use all rude words I know.

But I'm trying to be calm, I'm smiling and say: "It's ok, shit happens, I'm fine fine fine...". I'm trying to overcome it inside, I'm trying to switch to another things, to find something else.

And one more thing I hate - words "you're special" and other bla bla. I'm not fucking special, NO! And please don't tell me that, because I know - people are so hypocritical, so I don't want to participate in any kind of lie.

I'm so tired. I don't want to smile and show everyone "I'm great!" anymore..

I'm so tired of that I want to seem strong and imperturbable.

I just want to get away from here in some quiet place, where I can be alone and where I can structure all that mess in my head.

But tomorrow again I have to wake up, to do make up, imagine that my mood is wonderful, go somewhere, smile and answer to all the questions: "I'm fine! I'm great!".

It's also a kind of lie. And I'm a liar. All our life is a theatre.