While reading livejournal of Yulia Razumova I remembered my last days of internship. I wanted to add at least one more week, but what would it change? I just wanted to have a little bit more time for doing some things. I was afraid that I missed something. When we have no time anymore, suddenly we find out that we didn't do lots of things. If I would be smarter, I would hug dear people more often, I would tell them how much I love them and how they're great. But this is a good reason for striving to meet them again, right?

And this question which still has no answer: "How will you live in Russia after everything?".

Here is white snow and orange sky at night. Here is cold wind. It's so strange feeling and I can't explain it properly, but I don't feel myself here. I don't feel myself alive. It's like everything is just a dream, I'm just sleeping and waiting for a moment to wake up.

Different characteristics of person come out only in conditions, different from your usual life-style and make you think.

In our LC now is about 10 interns. International spirit. I should be happy about these results, we've never experienced something like this before in LC, but I'm not. Maybe because I don't feel my involvement in realization of these TNs or something. They're friendly and smiling like all interns and foreigners. Of course, come on ya, you're in another country, you have to be friendly.

EB elections will be in february-march. What should I do I even don't know. I need a good mentor. I need someone's advice. I need someone very smart and wise. Person who can help and force.

If I won't do something I'll apply for alumni. But it's not what I want to do so soon:(

Sometimes I think: "Damn, I'll be an alumni and thats all". But then I realize that it's not so easy.

2 years, every day. AIESEC changed everything in my life - environment, friends, goals, dreams, worldview over and above all these travellings.

Could I ever dream about it? NO NO and NO! Never!!! I even could't dream about all that I experienced!

When I was 16 I set sertain goals:

- apply for scholarship in uni for free education - I got it

- enter to the 2nd faculty for a translator - I did it

- after 3rd course go abroad (London) for practicing english - not London, but Cyprus 2 times.

- on the 4th course get a gob in company where I wanna build future career - I changed my mind

- stay in Che for a constant living, make a career (probably as auditor) and be sucessful. - I changed my mind.

I wanted to work in government service, wear this blue uniform of government employee and be soooo serious.

So what now? Now I know what means dream big and think differently. I rejected all I wanted at that age. Values were changed, goals and everything!

When I was 16 I even couldn't imagine what will I think about when I'm 20. I'd say that it's impossible and I'm insane. But no.

And after all that how can I leave AIESEC so easily? My life gravitates around it.

Time of elections is coming and the pressure is getting bigger and bigger.

Drama drama drama.