Monday morning bus to Che. Rainy mood. I want to see rain, but there is nothing, even no snow... So hard to be somewhere out. I just want to be at home and nowhere else.

Since Saturday my favourite meal consists of antibiotic pills and sedatives. Mom tells it’s all because of schock and I believe that popular wisdom which tells: “Any ailments are because of nerves”. But it’s ok, I just have to accept everything what happened. And don't blame myself, because it wasn't my fault. Everything what I can do now is to keep good memories and love. Life and death are walking together.

After recent events I realized - there is no words "one day I will" or "tomorrow". Only "right here, right now". Life is so short and unpredictable! And unfair. I don't want to lose every single moment.

Watched Oriana's video for MCP, she's great, really great and she deserves this position. I'm really proud of my working with her, she is a person to whose level I wanted to grow up. I love you very much, my dear Orianochka! And believe in you! And I still miss, I fucking miss this country, Istanbul and my emerald island! But the main factor is people. No matter where, no matter when, matters WHO.

3 months. 2nd winter day. And I'm such a fool. Sick, sad, stupid.