Watched "Up in the air". So, yes, it's a bit sad movie, but it's true. Sometimes you really feel like a stranger in this life. Sometimes you can say: "What is my life? it's just me. I'm the most faithful person to myself". And thats all.
Basicly what's happening now is very strange. I even don't know why I let it be, why I do it again and again with the same person.
Maybe because of that fact, that I can do anything, ANYTHING, I can be the worst bastard he have ever seen, I can say whatever I want... and I know - this guy is my air bag, he will save me in anytime. Anytime I can call him and say: "You know, I feel terrible. I need to talk to someone". And he will help, he always helps. And he loves me, I know.
ok, enough idealizing. Just I know that it'll lead to nowhere, we have no future. Not official relationship, "emergency exit" for each other, whatever...
He has a girlfriend, I have my point of view. It looks like cheating, hmm... After his job he's hugging me, then he goes home and kiss her. It's a bullshit.
Why? I'm totally fool. I don't love him, I even didn't fall in love, I don't want anything. I just got used to him. Almost 4 years. I love him as a person, as a friend, as a close person. I'm addicted. I just like his attention, his care and his warm to me. I need it.
But why I'm keeping do it if it has no future?